Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
