Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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