i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
