you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
