Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
