This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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