I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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