Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
3 2 1 whiskey
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
