he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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