we have pet lesbian snakes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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