for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
