so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
