Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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