I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize