Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
