she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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