I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
