After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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