I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
