YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
