Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
