I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
