Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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