rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
