i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
