My room smells like vodka and shame
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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