I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
