pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
