she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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