WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
