Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Randomize
