it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
