I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
