Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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