I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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