I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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