I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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