I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
