yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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