a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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