Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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