I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
