walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
