I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
