also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
