If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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