i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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