they need to just BURY HIM!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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