I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
