He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
