bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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