hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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