Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
